Why Can't You Love Me?
by snowkitty
Summary: Deep in her heart she'd always thought they'd end up together, now her heart felt as if it was shattered to pieces. How could she ever really say goodbye? inuxkag
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own InuYasha or any other character…not yet anyway…he he_

**WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?**

Chap 1: **The Sting of Moonlight**

Moonlight shot through the trees in columns of light to flood the forest floor, its pearly glow surrounding the couple standing in the small clearing. Long ebony hair drifted on the evening breeze as Kikyo reached out her hand and placed something in InuYasha's open palm.

From her place behind a large tree not too far away Kagome's eyes narrowed, her fists clenching at her side as she watched their hands touch, her eyes widening for a moment before her brow creased in a frown. _Damn InuYasha! She ought to go over there and_ … She blushed, and what?Admit that she had been spying on them? She had no business being here. She should just turn around and…… Once again her thoughts were cut short but this time by the pain that slashed through her as she watched InuYasha's free hand come up to catch Kikyo's before she could pull hers back. Their eyes met and Kagome heard InuYasha whisper Kikyo's name, almost as if it was a prayer, before enveloping her in his arms.

Kagome swallowed the hurt cry that threatened to escape her, her fingers digging into the tree as her legs threatened to collapse beneath her. She averted her eyes, staring at the bark beneath her hands and trying to blink back the tears that welled. What was she doing here? This was nothing new. InuYasha loved Kikyo, she knew that. These past four years she had seen them together many times and but now something seemed different between them, more intense. This pain inside her was her own fault, her punishment for loving someone who could never belong to her. _She should leave, she should_…..her thoughts trailed off as she once again raised her eyes just in time to see InuYasha claim Kikyo's mouth in a passionate kiss, a small object falling from his hand where Kikyo had just placed it.

"No," Kagome chocked, watching it glitter and sparkle as it caught the moonlight, landing on the soft grass by the lover's feet. She closed her eyes in disbelief for a moment. _No_,_ no, no. It wasn't fair!_ The last piece of the Shikon Jewel. Leaning her head against the tree she squeezed her eyes shut. _She needed more time! More time to make him…_ Kagome raised her eyes to the couple, a sick feeling rolled in her stomach and she pushed away from the tree, blindly stumbling through the dense forest.

_Make him what? What did you think was going to happen? That he would wake up one day and realise you were the one he loved all along? that he could never love Kikyo the way he loves you? Is that what you wanted? Was that your hope?_ Kagome cringed as each question slung cruelly through her mind. Those things, they didn't matter now,it was all gone; every shred of hope that she had held inside her…..it was dead. With the last piece of the jewel InuYasha didn't need her any more; she no longer had a reason to stay here. He didn't want her, he had Kikyo. The image of their embrace slammed through her mind making her cringe, her stomach rolling. There was no reason for her to stay. It was done. Finished. They had defeated Naraku and now with the last piece of the jewel, this story was finished. It was time for her to leave. A small sob broke from her, her hands gripping the front of her loose shirt until her knuckles where white. It felt as if every little bit of pain that she had every felt these last 3 years, had bottled up inside her and was now bursting free, filling her chest.

_Why, Why, Why, Why?_ Each word that echoed in her mind also felt as if it was piercing her chest, making it hard for her to breath. _ Why did it have to be this way? _A branch caught the sleeve of her shirt tearing it but she barely noticed._ Why did she have to feel like this? _Finally at the edge of the forest she collapsed back against a tree staring blindly at the village lights twinkling below, her breath coming in painful pants as a deadening pain seemed to beat in her chest. _Why did it have to hurt so much? _Slowly she slid down to sit on the ground. _Why Kikyo? Why not …?_

Kagome bit her lip, tears falling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks and falling onto the nearly completed Shikon Jewel that nestled against her chest, its wet surface sparkling in the moonlight.

"I love you…" she whispered into the night "Why?" her gaze dropped to her hands laying clenched in her lap, a sob escaping her "Why can't… you… love me?" Another sob escaped her and another until she simply lay down on her side and cried. The gentle night breeze swayed the long grass around her, soothing her as she cried until she had no more tears left.

She rolled over onto her back and stared up at the sky as the warm tears on her face turned cold. She couldn't stay, couldn't face him right now. She didn't want him to know she'd seen, to know how much it hurt her. The stars above her blurred in the sky as fresh tears sprung to her eyes. Wiping furiously at them, Kagome stiffly stood up with the help of the tree behind her and started to walk toward the village.

Soon enough she would have to say goodbye to her friends, to….. She cut her own thoughts off as the pain inside threatened to swallow her whole. She quickened her steps as her mind whirled, seeking for a way to handle this. She would go home and wait. Wait for InuYasha to come for the rest of the Jewel and then she would be prepared. Prepared to say goodbye to everyone and everything that had become her world. Prepared to face InuYasha… and Kikyo.

InuYasha watched as Kikyo disappeared before turning and slowly walking from the small clearing. The calm and contentment he had felt holding Kikyo in his arms was slowly fading. Stopping he looked down at the small jewel shard in the palm of his hand. All these years they had searched for it he had seen it as the answer to his problems but now it seemed to raise even more. Continuing on he thought of everyone's reactions when he produced the final piece of the jewel, in particular he thought of Kagome's. Would she be glad to be finished with it all? Or would she feel the same deadening pain that was beginning to crush him as he realised that this meant the end. Once the jewel was used Kagome would no longer be able to cross through the well. He would never see her again.

He would never see Kagome again. He stopped and stared blankly ahead as the thought slowly began to sink in. It hurt to think he would never see her smile again, feel her arms around him, smell her scent…. InuYasha raised his nose and sniffed…. Kagome's scent. It was faint but he could smell it. From the corner of his eye he saw something pale flutter on the gentle evening breeze. In one leap he landed in front of the small tree and looked at the small piece of cloth that was snagged on a branch. Reaching up he pulled it free holding it in his palm Kagome's scent drifted around him. Tracing the faint pattern on the cloth he realised it was the same as the shirt Kagome had been wearing that day. InuYasha swore.

As she came up to Kaede's hut, Kagome heard the sounds of her friends laughter coming from inside, along with the occasional shout. Stopping just outside of the door, Kagome did her best to wipe the tears away from her face. Sighing she stopped, and covered her face with both hands. They'd know how could they not? It felt as if the pain she felt was clearly written for all to see, still she plastered a smile on her face and entered the hut

"Give it!" came the young Kitsune's voice "I had it first!" there was a slight scuffling sound.

"Ahh ….but as your elder you should have offered it to me," came Miroku's voice. "Besides," he grinned, poking his finger into Shippo's soft belly "you don't want to get fat,"

"Sango," Shippo whined, turning his big eyes her way. Sango sighed and rolled her eyes and frowned at the monk.

"Just give it to him Miroku"

About to respond by popping the last piece of food in his mouth, Miroku stopped as he noticed Kagome in the doorway. Shippo took advantage of his distraction and clamped his mouth over the dumpling and swallowed a triumphant grin on his face.

"Kagome?" Sango questioned worriedly as she stood up and walked over to Kagome noting her red eyes and tear stained cheeks. "What has happened?"

Kagome forced a small smile on her mouth but it failed her and she dropped her head to hide the fresh tears that welled in her eyes moving to the back of the hut to pick up her back pack. Miroku came to stand by Sango, Shippo on his shoulder.

"Kagome….What is going on?" Miroku reached out and stopped her as turned to go.

Kagome looked at her friends and bit her lip. She tried to find something to say, to lie to them and say everything was fine but her voice didn't come all she could do was shake her head pitifully.

"Kagome?" Shippo jumped down from Miroku's shoulder and stood at Kagome's feet his eyes large with worry.

"I….I….can't….," Kagome's voice faltered and cracked as she looked at the concern written on her friends faces "I have to go," she whispered and spun toward the door, running out. Shippo made to run after her but Miroku grabbed his collar preventing him.

"Let go Miroku! Kagome's upset we should go after her,"

Miroku exchanged a meaningful glance with Sango before looking down at the little fox.

"I think Kagome needs to be alone," he said quietly. Shippo frowned in confusion and looked at the door. Why were adults so confusing?

Kagome walked along as quickly as she could go without running, her legs, her whole body felt so heavy as if weighed down by the horrible feeling inside her. She rubbed her hand over her face and tried to forget the concern and sympathy written across her friends faces before it made her cry again. Sighting the well up ahead, she sighed in relief.

"Kagome"

Just a few meters from the well Kagome stopped cold, closing her eyes and bit her lip hard to stop the tears that sprang instantly to her eyes at the sound of InuYasha's voice. Her hands shook by her sides as she heard him step closer. Had he come to ask for the rest of the Jewel? Had he come to say Goodbye? _No. Please…I don't want to…not yet _deep inside her that small voice whispered what she couldn't just turn an tell him. She wasn't ready to say good bye yet!

InuYasha's hand clenched around the small piece of material still in his hand as he watched and felt Kagome's reaction to him. His heart squeezed painfully as he watched her shaking hands, smelt the tears she had shed. He wanted to hold her, to tell her he was sorry. Sorry she'd seen him like that with Kikyo. Sighing he looked down at his clenched hand, confusion filling his mind along with all of the millions of things he wanted to shout, to say, things he had no right to.

His hand unclenched and he stared at the small piece of material that held Kagome's heady scent. He wanted her to stay, wanted her near him….he wanted her…….. He…... He wanted too much.

He clenched his hand around the material again as the need to go to her and hold her threatened to overpower him. It wasn't fair. He could never ask that she stay, it wasn't right. He could give her nothing and she deserved everything, everything he could never give her. She deserved someone who was free to be with her….to love her. There was only one thing he could give her now. Time. Unfolding the cloth he picked up the small object in the centre and stepped toward Kagome.

Kagome tensed as InuYasha stepped up close behind her. She clenched her hands as they began to shake violently but she didn't turn around, didn't have the courage to look at him and listen to him as he asked for the jewel. She wanted nothing more to run and keep on running so that she would never have to deal with this. A grim smile curved the corner of her mouth. She knew it wouldn't matter if she ran forever, she would never out run this hollow pain that swamped her but she had to try.

Taking a shaky breath she stepped away from InuYasha. His hand reached for hers, grasping it and stopping her from taking another step. Kagome froze, his touch warming the cold that had been seeping into her veins. His fingers twined with hers for a moment, before he pressed something small and hard into her hand closing her fingers around it. Letting go he stepped back and Kagome felt disappointment cut through her as his warmth left her. There was a moment of silence between them as they stood there.

"I'm sorry Kagome,"

She heard a rush of air and the rustle of cloth and knew he had gone but still she stood there afraid to move. The object he had placed in her hand seemed to burn her and raising her hand she slowly opened her palm. A faint pink glow surrounded the small slice of jewel as it lay there. Staring blankly down at it Kagome was startled as the first drop of moisture landed in her palm to be followed by another and another and another until they started to pour down, soaking the shard. As the tears fell down her cheeks Kagome realised that this was InuYasha's way of saying he understood that she needed a little more time. Her hand closed back around the jewel as she realised that it was also his way of saying goodbye to her.


	2. How do I say goodbye?

_I don't own any of the InuYasha characters or the song Goodbye to you._

CHAPTER 2

**How do I Say Goodbye?**

Kagome rolled over onto her back and slowly opened her eyes. Raising a hand to smother a yawn she stared at the ceiling of her bedroom watching the early morning shadows dart away from the first rays of light. In those few moments she was blessed with a sweet blankness granted by her sleep logged mind. Feeling content, she rolled back over onto her side and sighed. She was toasty and warm and …..

Her eyes locked on the jewel where it lay on her desk. All the painful feelings rushed back crushing the fragile contentment she had felt. Sunlight flooded in through the window illuminating the delicate pink orb as Kagome lay staring at it feeling the heaviness possess her body once again. Groaning she closed her eyes and rolled over turning her back to the jewel.

It had been the same for the last two weeks. Every morning she would wake and see the jewel and every morning her heart broke a little more as the realisation of what she was going to have to do hit her all over again. She had thought that InuYasha would have given up waiting and come for the jewel now. It had been what he had wanted for so long. Memories of all they had gone through to gather pieces swamped her. How excited they had been each time they had found another piece. They had all worked so hard. How strange it was that the thing that had brought them all together was the very thing that would part them forever.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed she sat up, her gaze going to the window. Would she ever look there and not see him jumping through it? Could she go on knowing he never again would? Her memories were all she would have of him, all she would have to keep her warm when this was all done. Yet it was those very memories that made every moment without him so painful. There was no where she could go that she wouldn't think of him, remember some thing he had done or said. She closed her eyes against the tears that seemed to always be so close and tried not to think of him.

Kagome's eyes flew open as suddenly the clock radio by her bed burst into song.

**Of all the things I've believed in  
I just want to get it over with  
Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry  
Counting the days that pass me by**

I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
It feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend  
And I said,

**Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to**

Kagome stared at the small black box as each word of the song stabbed her heart. She reached out to switch but stopped, pulling back her hand, she pulled her knees up resting her head on them and listened to the rest of the song.

**  
I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right**

**Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to**

**And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
I want you  
But I'm not giving in this time**

**Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to**

Kagome's lifted her hand to switch off the radio as the last words played

**And when the stars fall  
I will lie awake  
You're my shooting star**

Collecting her clothes she headed to the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror she looked at the pitiful creature that looked back at her and cringed. Her eyes were swollen and red, her cheeks pale and her nose bright pink from too many nights of crying herself too sleep.

It had to stop. She couldn't keep going on this way. She was waiting, hoping that InuYasha would come and say that he had made a mistake, that it was her he wanted all along, that they could be together forever. Kagome sighed, or at least that he would come and be the one to finally end it once and for all. She was waiting for him to do what she was too afraid to do and it was wrong of her. She was stronger than this. No matter what she felt, no matter how much it hurt she owed everyone that she had come to call her friend a goodbye. It was her responsibility to end this. If she didn't she would never be able to go on with her life. She would always be waiting and hoping for something that could never be.

She leant over the basin and splashed her face with cold water. There would be no more delaying. She would go tonight and say her last goodbyes.

Kagome stared at the wooden door in front of her. Above her the stars twinkled merrily, mocking her pain. Raising her hand to slide the door open, she hesitated, her fingers less than an inch away. _Could she? Could she go through with this?_ She curled her fingers into her palm and drew her hand back, clasping it to her chest with her other hand.

Standing there she tried to imagine what she could possibly say. How did she say goodbye to the ones that she had grown to love like her own family? Taking a deep breath, she raised her shaking hand and pressed it to the wood, gently sliding the door open. How did she say goodbye to the person who was her very heart?

Staring at the dark steps she willed her legs to move, each step down harder than the last. Reaching the well she placed her hands on the edge and looked into the darkness that seemed a mirror of hole inside her soul. She wanted to sink into that cool darkness and forget, to let it wrap around her and wipe her clean. She swung her legs over the edge and let herself slip into the darkness that would only ever bring her more pain not the comfort that so desperately she needed.

InuYasha stood on the hilltop and watched the last of the suns rays sink behind the mountains. In the distance he watched as Kikyo's soul stealers weaved through the air escorting their mistress through the night. 'She would be back soon' she had told him. 'There were things she had to take care of'

InuYasha sighed. He should care, should have insisted on going with her but a heavy tiredness had settled over him in these last two weeks and he didn't have the energy. It felt as if the weight of the world had settled around him, pressing in on him. He wanted to fight it, to punch and yell. He just wanted to do something, anything to stop these feelings. I f it had been a demon he would have slain it but how did he stop the pain that seemed to be eating at him from the inside out?

Looking up, he watched the first stars of the night begin to twinkle in the sky. I t wasn't like him to sit around and wait like this, not when there was something that had to be done. He cringed at the thought of going to Kagome and taking the jewel from her. He didn't want to see the pain in her eyes, to see her tears. Most of all though, he didn't want to have to deal with his own pain. Without the jewel Kagome would never again be able to pass through the well. He would never see her again. That dreaded pain started to burn deep in his chest as he thought of saying goodbye to her. Swearing he, turned and stalked into the trees. Squashing down his rising feelings he reluctantly took the path leading to well. He would end it tonight. He wasn't going to sit around any longer.

A familiar scent hit him as he neared the clearing around the well. Blue light flashed in the darkness. Standing in the dark shadows of the trees, InuYasha watched as Kagome pulled herself out of the well. Once out, she stood there for a moment before raising her head to look at the stars. The moon suddenly appeared from behind the clouds and bathed her in light. InuYasha's heart squeezed and his breath caught as he looked at the innocent beauty of her face in the moonlight.

What would have been if Kikyo had never been resurrected, he wondered. Would he have forgotten her completely and taken Kagome as his? Would they have been together right now? Would they have been happy? He shook his head dislodging the wayward thoughts. He loved Kikyo. There was no point thinking about things that could never be. Everything had turned out the way it should.

He watched as Kagome began walking in the direction of the village, he could see the jewel around her neck swaying back and forth with each step but he remained where he was. He knew Kagome needed to say goodbye to their friends. He would give her a little more time, it was the last he could do. Besides, he wanted to spend his last moments with her alone. Turning, he headed in the direction of the Genbouku.

"KAGOME!" Shippo cried, running to throw himself into her waiting arms. Kagome hugged him tightly to her and laid her cheek on his soft fur.

"Hello Shippo," she whispered barely containing the tears that wanted to burst from her.

After a moment she raised her head and looked around the hut at her friends. Miroku, Sango, Kaede, even the still recovering Kohaku, all smiled at her as she sat down in front of them. Shippo hopped from her arms to sit close by her side.

Kagome tried for her usual bright smile but it failed and she smiled sadly, knowing that she could never just pretend this was another day.

"Kagome child, what is it?" Kaede asked

Kagome opened her mouth to try to reassure the old woman but nothing came out.

"Kagome?"

Kagome lowered her eyes, unable to take the concern and love she saw shining in her friends eyes. She didn't know how she could possibly do this.

"Kagome---," Sango stopped as Kagome held out her hand. In her palm lay the last shikon shard. There was silence as they all stared at the jewel and understood.

"How….?" Miroku's question faded as Kagome shook her head, dropping the jewel back into her pocket.

"It doesn't matter," she said quietly. There was silence again.

"So does this mean you're leaving? Forever?" Kohaku asked sadly, breaking the silence.

Not trusting her voice Kagome just nodded.

"NO!" Shippo cried grasping her arm, his big eyes full of tears "Why do you have to go? Why can't you stay here with us forever?"

"Shippo I…..." _I would have…If **he** had asked me. _She felt the weight of that thought in her chest and gathered the little fox back into her arms and rested her head on top of his.. "You know I can't," was all she whispered, unable to say anymore.

There was silence but for the sound of Shippo's soft sobs smothered against Kagome's chest. The others sat staring at the girl who had become of their lives, each remembering all the adventures they had had together. Sorrow filled them at the thought of never seeing Kagome again but they knew this was the way it had to be. She would have stayed if she had been asked. InuYasha must have made his decision. Tears filled each of their eyes as they thought of how much Kagome truly loved the hanyou and how hard it must be for her at this moment. One by one they each stood and came to wrap their arms around her, silent tears falling down their cheeks.

Once again Kagome walked along the path from the village to the forest. So many times had she walked it and she had never given thought to the time when she would walk it for the last time. With one heavy footstep after another she walked to the edge of the forest and stopped. She wanted to turn and take one last glance at those dear to her but she knew that would be a mistake. What strength she had had reached its limit. She wouldn't be able to hold her tears at bay if she turned not.

'Goodbye," She whispered without turning and stepped into the shadows of the trees.

Kaede, Shippo, Kohaku, Miroku and Sango all watched Kagome from the edge of the village. As soon as Kagome was out of sight Sango threw herself into Miroku's arms and sobbed.

"I thought he loved her," she said in a muffled voice as Miroku stroked her hair and pressed his lips to her head, his other arm holding her tight.

"I know," he said still watching the spot where Kagome had been "I thought he did too,"

As she walked through the darkness the jewel around her neck seemed to grow brighter and brighter, as if illuminating the way in front of her. She wasn't headed to the well; she knew he wouldn't be there. No, he would be waiting for her but not there, he would be waiting for her in the place where they had first met. Somehow she knew it. Her hand folded over the glowing jewel blocking its unearthly glow as she stepped through the last of the undergrowth.

Raising her eyes she looked at the hanyou sitting beneath the Genbouku tree his head slumped to one side and his eyes closed, looking much the same as he had when she had first seen him but this time his head lifted and his golden eyes stared straight at her.

"Kagome,"

"_InuYasha_," …………………….


End file.
